Broken, Grateful

"...how to be broken, yet faithful... broken and grateful..."
- Sara Groves, "What I Thought I Wanted"

While paying attention to the lives of others - there's too much going on in my own life, I know, but I'm not as interested in much of it - I see brokenness and healing, trials and personal struggle. It's like life moves forward, for better or for worse. But in Christ, even the worst in for the better. Struggle makes us, well, struggle - makes us work out our salvation with fear and trembling, gives us a glimpse of who we really are, what we really believe about God and His ways. When everything's going well, it's happening then, too - but it's not as loud, not as obtrusive as the rough spots of life.

It seems that when we as Christians start doing something we'd deem "worthwhile", then something comes alongside and knocks us off our bike. "Must be doing something right, since the devil's working so hard against us", we say. But I'm beginning to think the devil gets more credit than he's due. We can't do anything positive and godly without the grace and intervention of the Spirit in and through our lives - what if what happens to us, the struggle and the trial, is a reflection of our inability to trust in Him? Nothing is going to overtake us without an escape route - why would "He who began a good work in you" allow the whole thing to derail, allow the devil to kick you while you're on a high?

Maybe God's will is something deeper than our plans and dreams. Maybe His plans and purposes have to do with our humility and holiness. Maybe success in the kingdom really is losing your life. "What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul?" - maybe the answer is another question,"what if you gain the whole world in truly, honestly and selflessly losing your soul?" If that's the case, then it shouldn't surprise us that there's tribulation in the midst of supposed success. God wants us "broken yet faithful... broken and grateful". We are the contradictions that point to the Father... something like that. Judging my faithfulness and worth to God by looking at my circumstances, my success or lack thereof, can't be right.

"GOD is striding ahead of you. He's right there with you. He won't let you down; he won't leave you. Don't be intimidated. Don't worry."
- Deuteronomy 31:8, msg

I don't think we know the truth of that until we are in a place where worry would be natural, where intimidation might overtake our night. Because in the midst of that, He's still right there...