Whacked

"That horrible hatchet! If it hadn't been there..." - that's the quote on the commercial that just ran for this afternoon's Inside Edition. They're interviewing Nancy Seaman, a former elementary school teacher convicted of killing her husband with a hatchet. She laughed and cried during the trial, and is now giving interviews. I think the moral of the story is that we all need a few more inanimate objects to blame for our mistakes and shortcomings:

• O.J. - "That horrible glove..."
  
• Michael Jackson - "That horrible glove..."
  
• Dr. Octupus - "If it wasn't for those titanium-enriched electromagnetic artificially intelligent and self-controlling arms - what rotten luck!"
  
• President Nixon - "Tapes? what tapes?"
  
• John Wilkes Booth - "What a terrible play!"
  
• Lizzie Borden - "That horrible hatchet..." - hey, that defense has been used before!
  
• Norman Bates - "But I just loved my mom's dress..."
  
• Oprah - "Can I blame my book club?"
  
• Snow White's Step-mom - "Well, I couldn't break that mirror, would've been bad luck, right?!"
  
• Enron Officials - "Those darn stock tickers!"
  
• Agent Smith - "Those darn glasses, Mr. Anderson"
  
• Justin Timberlake - "Dang 'wardrobe malfunction'..."
  
• Hillary Clinton - "If we'd just had a few more shred-- er, I mean, that darn shredder!"
  
• President Clinton - "That horrible cigar!"
  
• Gollum - "My precious!"
  
• Eve - "What fruit? What tree again?"