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9.09.2005

Reaping, Sowing, Etc.

I tried five times this morning to get this thought process down as an audio post. It's difficult to get my mind around text on a screen to describe what I'm feeling now, because it's hard to type for emphasis and meaning and emotion. But I'll try since the audio thing kept bailing on me - maybe if I type this through the day, edit here and there to make it more succinct and less rabbit-trailing, maybe it'll work.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
- Joshua 1:9, niv
I'm in such an encouraging place right now - emotionally, spiritually, church-ily. Over the years God has provided places for us to worship and to grow with friends, and it's been good over that time to see things from different perspectives and grow through different circumstances. So this is no knock against anywhere we've ever been before - but I'm in the middle of something so full and eye-opening and overwhelming and challenging right now. I feel like I'm on overload, about to bust a gasket somewhere with all the stuff going on.

There's a biblical and natural "law" at work that most folks recognize, Christian or not, called "reaping and sowing". When you sow, you'll reap. If you plant something, it'll grow. If you do something, there will be consequences, the good and the bad. We understand and agree and have seen this on so many levels, I'm sure. But there's something else in the scriptures that speaks of reaping thirty-, fifty-, a hundred-fold - basically, getting out more than you put in. There's something about the grace and sovereignty and power of God that when He works through something, too, you get a bigger return, more bang for your buck. I've never really been a part of anything like that - until now. I'm overwhelmed to a large extent because there is more going on than I'm directly responsible for. We started with basically nine consistent small groups, and in the next couple of weeks we will kick off over fourteen more - 25+ small groups, almost three times as many as when we started. And I haven't done much of anything besides send some email and teach one training class. There's more coming than what I'm putting in, and it's amazing to me.

In the back of my mind is a still small voice that's saying, "don't screw this up". It's me saying that, my little voice in my head, and it's me just making sure that I still do my best, put forth that much more effort maybe for an even bigger return on investment. I'm overwhelmed, positively with the encouragement and probably on the negative side with stressing on what still needs to be accomplished. It's a tension, somewhere between the reaping and the sowing. I'm hoping it's a good place, you know?

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